If you are stressed by all the hustle and bustle of the season - take a break. Read "Whiter Shades of Pale," by Christian Lander (Random House). The stress will disappear and be replaced by chuckles.

It was in 2008 that Lander founded the blog "Stuff White People Like." It was a wickedly funny study of upper middle-class white people that to date has had 71 million hits. He then wrote a bestselling book by the same name.

As he traveled the nation promoting his book, he discovered something - that as much as all white people were the same, in many ways they are slightly, superficially different.

Now, "Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to Coast, from Seattle's Sweaters to Main's Microbrews," which went on sale Nov. 23, features regional breakdowns, with illustrations of the differences that make white people ridiculously proud of where they're from.

It exposes America's white people, and readers will discover exactly what it means to be white in the USA.

Before you start reading, the author offers this caveat: "If your city isn't in here, I apologize. But remember, we're all pretty much the same. Also, maybe you should consider a move to Brooklyn or Portland; every other white person is doing the same thing."

In the mix, between descriptions of those who live in targeted cities across the United States, are wonderful essays on certain subjects.

I am not now, and have never been a camper, so I got many chuckles on the camping essay, which reads in part:

"If you found yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car, you would likely describe that situation as a nightmare or a worse-case scenario, like after a plane crash or something. White people refer to it as 'camping.'"

"In theory, camping should be a very inexpensive activity, since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But, as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs.

"Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep and walk around some more. Then they get in the car and go home. This, of course, is the best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include getting lost, poisoned, or killed by an animal, and encountering an RV.

"Any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in the white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience."

Then he offers the ultimate excuse.

"The best way to escape a camping trip is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions."

I also offer a portion of his review of Madison:

• Overview: With some of the best public schools in America, a venerable NPR affiliate, a major university, and access to the freshest Pabst Blue Ribbon, it's no surprise that white people have been flocking to Madison for generations. Madison is the best place in the world to raise children if you don't have any ambition.

• Strengths: Resistance to cold; swimming ability; detached sense of humor.

• Weaknesses: Alcoholism.

• Secret Shame: Doesn't know who Robert La Follette is and is too embarrassed to ask.

And there is more on Madison, where the author will stop on his book tour. He will be at Borders on University Avenue at 7 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 18.

Christian Lander is a one-time Ph.D. candidate and acclaimed public-speaking instructor. He has traveled extensively in the United States and Europe, living among white people and studying their native customs. He presently resides in Los Angeles, where he enjoys such local pleasures as Ray Ban Wayfarers, skinny jeans, yoga, interior design and crippling debt.

The 232-page softcover book sells for $15.

Joyce Laabs can be reached at features@lakelandtimes.com.